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Sunday, April 01, 2007



My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

Hey guy, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

It’s always good for you to see me again.

The best pickup line I have ever heard and I have to admit it got my attention was when I was out dancing one night and a girl came up to me and said:

Hey! I like your shoes! Do you like mine??

It worked and we are still friends today.

He: Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these little pickles?

She: No.

He: Well, I’ll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one Greek god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won’t be feeding you little pickles.

Well, the worst pickup line I have ever heard (it was said to me) was: I hate you...are you here with your friends?

I looked up the word “beautiful” in the thesaurus today, and your name was included.

Didn’t I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

On the same note, one of my favourites (that I’ve never had the guts to try) is to walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, “I’d like to get something straight between us.” And then look at your (you know)...

Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.

Wanna Dance?


Wanna Drink?


Wanna Fuck?

Yes (pause) but not with you

So, do you wanna see something really swell?

That girl/guy I’m with, oh, she’s/he’s just my sister/brother.

One of the worst pickup lines ever (most probably will get you slapped):

I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?

Another line that doesn’t work:

Gee, you don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

Do you take it up the bum? (This also does not work and can be painful)

Is that a double-ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?

Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

He: Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?


He: Well, do you want some?

What would you do if I kissed you right now?

Can I please be your slave tonight?

You should be someone’s wife.

I have a single.

Hi, I’m a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

You know, you’re very easy on the eyes.

Or (for the braver males)

You know, you’re very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you’d mind if I fantasize about you?

Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with these two fingers? (Holding up any two)

Obvious reply: No, why?

Because, they’re mine.

I had a friend give a card that had on the front:

1 2 3 4

Pick a number and then on the back of the card read it: Sex maniacs always pick 3 you wouldn’t believe how many women pick 3. It was a great card.

Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

What can I do to make you sleep with me?

Or (for a lighter touch)

What can I do to make you mine?

Pardon me miss, but I couldn’t help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?

When’s our wedding date?

Hey baby, let’s go make some babies.

Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

Excuse me pretty girl, but did you happen to find my Congressional Medal of Honour?


Hey there guy, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?

She (sheepishly): Yes.

He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?

She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?

He: We’ve established what kind of woman that you are; we’re just haggling over the price.

You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel.

Miss, if you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

If you spot a girl waiting in a restaurant/theatre/club for someone, go up to her and say...

If he doesn’t show up, I’ll be right over here.

I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your willy and say:

Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?

I require a tissue sample. May I sever a little used portion of your body? (Brandish forceps)

Hey, wanna see my R2D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)

Hey baby...infect me!

Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?

Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?

Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?

Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?

I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I’m finished.

Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When she arrives

Say, “I knew if I fingered you long enough, you would come.”


“Do you always come when someone fingers you?”

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...Pause and say; Let’s meet sometime...

God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.

I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good.

Would you like someone to mix with your drink?

The front reads:

No, I’m not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Be unique and different, say yes.

Will you marry me and have my children? (Unfortunate side effects: beware!)

If you ever want to see your children again, you’ll do what I want.

You’re hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert? Alone?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.

I’m really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

It’s absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don’t give it away.

Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn’t make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home, what a pretty dress.

You know, I’d really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.

Would you like to be in movies?

Excuse me; do you live around here often?

Excuse me, I’m a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

Would you like to see a baby picture of me?

(Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)

Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?

You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book ... So what’s one more??

Hey babe, did you know I’m on the Harvard Mailing List?

What’s your sign?

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