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Friday, March 30, 2007



With your starter, you are simply just dowsing to trigger attraction somewhere around or within. In the course of this, if the chemistry is there, you will not need to be told. You will see for yourself how the lady is giggling. However, if she does not seem interested, drop it and continue ahead buddy. In this case, you need something appropriately right, provocative to get her talking but in a subtle manner that will let her off the hook if she is not that interested really. Never mind about awkward silence; the fact is, if she does not move, then, you simply just need to say the right thing and get her fangs out of control. You will be stunned and amaze at how things will change, if you can make her to laugh. Make a specific comment in relation to the venue or occasion. If you are in supermarket, walk up and say; hi, I was to come over and talk to you when I noticed you as you bypassed me, but had to finish what I was about to accomplish, however what’s your name? I am….,then, pause for her to tell you her name. Address her by her name, as you give your views about a particular commodity. But be careful not to weigh in like a debater with your opinion, just float your view point and turn it into a question as a starter of this manner; “is that perfume or body lotion great or what”? She will surely respond to you. Ask her the type she wears and compliment that she smells good if not sweet. This is say, you need to be creative if not poetic, have great charm and this can be built practically into any human being. Believe me buddy; you will be stunned at what you will arrive at. This book will help you to be capricious for the rest of your life.

Act as if you know her from somewhere. Recall a few of the best and exotic place you have been to and walk up to a lady in the room and say; hey, did you attend Harvard university or what ever you like to bluff about. If she says no, pause for a while in disbelief and say; where are you from or are you just from around? Human nature being what it is, she will start asking you places you have been to, the kind of nightclubs and other social gatherings and stuff like that, to try to find out where you may have meet her.

YOU; I do not know if anyone has ever said this to you before but I found something seemingly really exotic about you and pause.

HER; so what do you do?

YOU; Look at me, think because you look smart and make a guess. I bet, if I tell you will not believe.

HER; What? Solicitor or something? Oh no tell me please.

YOU; I practice, celebrity hypnotics and magic.

HER; What’s that?

YOU; You mean my job? I do tell a lot of things just looking into people’s palm, help celebrities to hypnotise the public, gain more firm, then say; let’s have a go at your palm. Hold her hand, gaze into it and say that, “the lines show she is a very interesting person to be but with a hidden side from many men”. Then whisper to her ear, “keep this a secret between I and you because I have discovered you”.

HER; Ahahaha jejejejejejejejje(this mean she is into your game.)

Compliment on her attire including hairstyle but avoid talking about beauty. When you walk up, simply say; hey, nice pair of trousers, while smiling and she will say; thanks you. Then you say; hey babe, I have just met you and you start with thank you compliments? Smile and say; look I am not going home with you, I am not so cheap you know. Alternatively, if you are that in a complete loss of what to say walk up, say hi, you look like a real challenge, or so are we going out or what? And smile while gazing into her eyes and she will start the talking her self. It is that simply buddy. Then say; however, let me ask you a question; my friend and I were arguing about something and finally I came to the conclusion that, we do need a female’s perspective. My friend said, when a man meets a lady he will like to make friends with, he should request for her telephone number and I was of the opinion that, men should take emails instead of telephone numbers if not both, and my reason being that; it is really hard to reach people nowadays by phone and with email, you have enough time to put together all your poor might together until you become familiar with one another and stuff like that. But do you really think that men really know what women want?



An affirmation is about building and maintaining your sub conscious mind towards positivism that you consciously choose or decide to immerse in your consciousness to deliver wanted outcome. What I mean is that, everything you need to know about better dating is within you. These commandments and words of wisdom of Dating Guru, Lord Stanley Mathew is the embodiment of procedures that will create a far more awareness of your inner self and what is already in your subconscious and thereby triggering and tracking what is missing from you that makes you what you are now. The results will move through your body like electricity, in a speed of light-like manner. I am not having any qualms that many men are afraid of social contacts and especially terrified of women. I know that you know your problem as well, but still you cannot get out from it. Believe it or not, self-esteem is the crucial element in your capacity for fulfilment of your desires. There work with what I will be giving to you until it is assimilated, you will not only discover the results quickly in your dating lifestyle, but in all areas of your life and family. It is only when you are having a good relationship with your self and inner self, that you will be able to automatically have a good relation with others. The soul attracts that which the mind harbours. The mind then receives it and stores it within your thought structure. The mind programs itself all the time towards how you feel about your self and keeps reminding your sub conscious mind towards that direction. The mind operates like a graphic equalizer, so set it to your taste of desires now. Feel good about your self and your mind will reprogram itself and the “law of feeling good” will attract the person that has harmony with your thought structure. By the universal law of attraction, someone will respond to the mental vibrations you exude.

You can create a perfect relationship by sitting down making a list of what you want in a relation and the nature of the relation. Be it short term, long term or time will tell. Invoke and meditate on them. Imagine the kind of person you want for a relationship and imagine having a good laugh together with that person. Because, these are the words of wisdom, someone will come into your life just as you imagine provided you really are serious and willing for it to happen. Thinking alone creates and triggers an inner vibration that inevitably attracts that which is in its focus. If you are already in a relationship, it makes absolutely no difference; the very same procedures will work for you. Visualise and picture these positive divine sacred qualities coming out in your partner and your partner will soon develop and become as you imagine. The universal mind is one and it is everywhere at the same time and in all things. So the difference between you and others is simply illusionary. We all are vibrating and in different frequencies and levels. Raise you and you will be able to attract people on higher and higher levels and frequencies. Believe me, what you are willing to accept comes your way straight away. If you want loneliness, you will probably have it. If you want to share a sizzling sweet and fabulous life with some special, real, honest and caring, that’s exactly what you are having, buddy. Happiness can only come your way, when your life gives you what your mind is willing to accept. Therefore take responsibility for the thoughts you choose to think regarding women, life and dating. You can bring people into your life that you like with your thoughts. We are all interrelated, so you do not have to search for long and apply a lot of effort. A successful relationship is based upon one being nourished simply by the others presence. That is all. What you need is simply to make it an interesting game and set up some agreements. Be careful not be caught in the rules. Change your rules as many times as it fits into your taste. Negotiation is all that you need to do. Now, are you alone and getting frustrated all the time? Are you depressed and confined? Are you lonely because your wife left you, an experience of rejection, feelings of guilt, scared of approaching and talking to women, don’t you know what has gone wrong, don’t you feel attractive, don’t you know what to say when with a woman? Does it keep recurring in your mind? Are you simply just nervous? Do you feel hopeless, lost, forgotten and like puuh? Ahahhahhahaha, the answer is in your mouth. So put your foot in your mouth. However, I have only come in to beat out that shit thinking and character out of you and finally to suck out that shit which had been a vicious cycle of pain, frustration, depression and schizophrenia. Because you need to know how to go about with relations to; attract your ideal match; eradicate those feelings of rejection, depression and loneliness; build and maintain a loving, harmonious long term relationship, establish a natural sexual relation and to give toys but 2nd position in our relations; I am giving you an exercise that will upgrade your memory sensors and those senses that woo women, charm, seduce women with 99% success rate. This is called “THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION.

“I am beginning to like myself as a man”7x

“I can approach and talk to any bird”7x

“I no longer depend on someone for my self esteem”7x

“I am learning to love everyday”7x

“I like myself even when women are not present”7x

“I am successful enough to please everyone”7x

“I am able to practise being good to myself”7x

“I am not a failure but a complete success”7x

“I now trust my self and will go at my own speed”7x

“I now can accept that self loving is everything I need”7x

“I can now turn my negative thoughts& become positvist”7x

“I can approve of all my actions now”7x

“I have confidence in my abilities and humour”7x

“The search for love is now over, I have found it”7x

“I am happy, women/men can see me different now”7x

“huh,I am so gorgeous and fabulous, nice looking”7x

“Now I know why they gaze at me, I was foolish”7x

“I will plant my seeds of sweet love everywhere now”7x

“I am becoming passionately interested in new friends”7x

“The more I show and share love, the more I receive”7x

“ohhhh, yeah, I am on the track now, I am really”7x

“I’m willing to stop any lady and laugh with her”7x

“Now I dash off all those ugly thoughts”7x

“My love is being instantly transmitted to the subconscious of others telepathically.”7x

“The more successful I can handle solitude, the more successful the relationships”7x

“I am willing now to let my suppressed feelings come up to the surface and to discover something new about my self”7x

“I am able to feel now that, all the beauties beheld on my eyes now want, fancy, dour and need me”7x

“Now, I can take the relationship physical by being tactful and acting some form of drama”7x

“Now I understand what women mean by having a laugh and fun. I will teach them new ways”7x

“I am going out there to enjoy my life now”7x

“I do not care about what others think”7x

“Thank you, Lord Stanley Mathew for your words of wisdom and courage to make this happen”3x

The “lord” says; knock and it will get upon. Design your affirmations to suite any particular situation in your life. Pick a special evening, and do this exercise, once in a week in an environment that will allow you to concentrate without noises and disturbances. When you get up from bed in morning, stand before a mirror and smile, laugh to your self. Laughter boosts your immune systems and “psycho-dating-appearances”. Then affirm, self-confidence towards your desire. Let us pray and affirm your success; “I therefore invoke the power of say “be” and it will “be”, I implant unto thee thy wish and desire through the air and winds of nature, I command natural love to reign and live within you, the angels of success, hear my wish and my cry, it is through thee that; I am transferring to my friend here today, that splendour, Virgo, strength and potentials that has no end”. Conclusion of your affirmation; Thank you, Lord-King Stanley Mathew and may your house and content be filled with happiness, love, trust, Diamonds. All your wishes be fulfilled. Diamonds is the only gift I take from customers after satisfactory outcome. However, am I begging for it, am I?



As we must all agree, women won’t flirt with you on the street nor start up a conversation to make you feel some temptation even though there are exceptional cases. I think women of the 21st century will hardly come up to you and request for your number, email, pager or fax. It is certain that once you meet a woman, she has the upper hand to make a decision either to agree or disagree with your request. She might not want to make you feel hurt when she feels nothing about you, thus, could give you her number or it could even be a wrong one to send you off to the curb. I think we all know what I mean. It is very stupid to walk up to a bird and start to tell her, how much you love her, how much you feel for here etc during the first initial contact. Or to walk up to a woman without a taught of how to keep and maintain a sweet charming conversation on-going, moving from topic to topic and taking into account her body expressions. As such you will need to create “chemistry”, which you will be learning in the subsequent pages. It is clear that some will exchange numbers and others will not. However, if she is interested in taking it forward, it means you have played it “cool” and while cool means, “you have been able to trigger her inside to laugh and being interesting”. When you make a woman to laugh, you are boosting up her immune system, making her to feel good about herself towards you, feeling and having the “likes” of meeting you again and thus; she will give you her number and take yours in return. 79% of these scenarios will occur only when she is feeling something about you, your attitude etc. You therefore have to prove yourself as different from the other millions. We call it “Transfer of emotions”. Remember that you are the one initiating the contact, so it is your place to call her first. This is to show concern, interest and seriousness. What men want is to “create friendship” and get to know each other or if you are after a one-night-stand, then all the same but unfortunately, I do not visa the attitude of one night stands. You have and must guarantee to her that she will remain adorable, valued and respected when with you. Every woman wants to know that this is the way you are going to be. Never wait for a woman to call you first, except only when WE MUST HAVE QUALIFIED YOU AS A GURU. This is how it works; Call her immediately after two or three days. Let her know that you will be interested in playing an open game to get to know each other. Be careful not to talk about love or a relationship when you make your first call. Your focus is on planning a meeting for what ever that comes out. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT,”GO OUT AND TALK TO WOMEN IN THEIR NUMBERS, get their numbers and success will come your way. Immediately you finish reading and understanding this book, meet and date as possible as you are worth. This is will give you valuable experience irrespective of whether you to intend to carry it forward. Just talk to as many women as you can. You will be learning how to start up “chemistry conversation” soon. GURANTEE, “RELY ON US”. “Within this book and in OUR ONLINE SCHOOL, FURTHER ASSISTANCE ON ONE TO ONE AND PUBLIC BASES” is what we have put in place for you. The next sub topic will talk about the power and law of affirmation, you and inner-yourself. This is the most important part of the book.


Dating sexy women-lesson 2


Flirting and seduction is a nurtured attitude: A good players primordial flirting tactics is self-confident and charm, charisma but not too pompous and afraid to take risky moves. Be magic, game for game, enthusiastic and positive, it kills!

Start a conversation: The best opening line is saying: hello. Talk about the surroundings and tease straightaway, ask questions about directions, ask for help, and create an opinion.

Be magic and Have fun: Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability if you care.

Apply your pick-up line: Never leave home without a new pick-up line and a prop or a ready to apply pick-up. Pick-ups are natural conversation starters that do trigger attraction and create chemistry in one-way or the other. They encourage conversations to take place further when humour is enhanced continually; others will be compelled to begin talking to you. However in addition to you pick-up lines are props. Props are also a natural way of engaging others into conversation and great props will include: kids, exotic jewellery, dogs, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favourite passion, interesting ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper, cds, dvds, digital cameras etc.

Be the host: Change your behaviour from the role of guest to host. You are not the passive person in waiting, but rather the welcome committee.

Make the first move and walk up to him/her and make sure you are closer enough to the person you find attractive and fabulous and Say or whisper to her ear; hello! My name is …,

You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art and women will pick on it all the time you meet them. The respective individual you fancy will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

Eye contact: Make stable and flirting eye contact, but please look your partner in the eye gently and softly (for about 2-4 seconds) and then glance away through her ears and smile. Do it and she will take the conversation further by asking a question! Got the reason?

Remember, The complements are those she has never heard of, therefore your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. Be creative with your compliments and When you receive a compliment the best response is merely, Thank You! Compliments are very essential when endeavouring to lay a foundation for a relationship because the girl will notice that you have noticed them.

Smiling is contagious natural charm to disarm women. It makes a woman to have her subconscious mind driving her towards you and as such you become more approachable from her inside world. A smile lights up your face and magnetize women to you. You will become a woman’s “smile game”. Many of them will feel comfortable towards approaching you .Put it into an experiment!

Dating very beautiful women



Let us get down to business straight away. Many men see dating as some sort of magic beyond their reach and thus spend a great deal of their life time living in solitude and isolation. You don’t sit there and expect a woman to walk up to you with an opener, do you? From the beginning of civilisation, it has always been that, men will approach women and initiate them into a relationship, no matter the type. Dating is a very simple but delicate game that needs patience, perseverance, creativity, fun, laughter, and jokes and in fact, whatever it takes to make it. You must GO out there, meet ladies and talk to them. Some men find it hard to accept rejection and criticism, but without which you cannot grow successfully in the field of dating. I will be talking about turning “negativity” into “positivism”. I know that you are all interested in this unique possibility, and you will have it in the other coming chapters. Learn from your mistakes

The “game” has all the tools you need to become successful with must woman anywhere/anyplace in the world irrespective of colour and religions. Now you have the opportunity at your finger tips to learn what attracts women, their secret thinking abilities, what scares them from men, their life-gene, how to read their minds, approach and befriend, and how to get any woman interested and feeling comfortable to being with you. You have to admit that, it is time to really go out there and make friends if not getting laid. Undoubtedly, you should be expecting rejection as you make this decision to get started, with rebuilding that part of you that is being destroyed day after day by fear and confusion of how to get things right. It is only when you meet rejection that, you will learn to perfect that particular stage or scenario. Practice is the best teacher, in other words it is called “hands on learning”. Learn to adapt this, “saying” into your life “A quitter never wins while a winner never quit”. Obviously, each failure you encounter leads to 10 successes and even more. So you MUST go out there, meet women and talk to them. You will be doing this as some sort of practise to become good if not perfect, but I tell you what; you will undoubtedly face rejection during your primary initiatives and you have to be ready for it. You should not give up because rejection is part of the life we are living without which life is incomplete. As you read this book and proceed, success will become to you like a dream come true, this book is a genuine BULLET. Do not mess about with it; use it only to better your understanding of dating and how women think about men. Please it will be an offence to use book and disrupt others relations or to magically use women like some sort of toilet tissue or something. It’s primordial objective is to balance that missing equation in dating;(me -sex+ humour+ honesty+ chemistry=Dating). Make life more comfortable and free from danger when everyman can get a woman they want to be with for the rest of their life.

Dating women is not about buying them expensive gifts and taking them to expensive restaurants and doing to them favours. It is about having fun together, getting to know each other and exercising honesty. So learn that women are very much interested in the way you make them to feel towards you and how you feel about your own self, not money, beauty and fame. Women want a man that is loyal and has the definition of commitment. When a man lets a woman to know that, he does not take to any crap and as such he chooses very carefully is very hypnotically charming in the back of mind of a woman. Know those beautiful women are accustomed to men kissing their ass and accepting whatever condition. Believe me, women will trick and taste you from all angles. The fact here is that, at times a woman will say “no” when she does not mean it. When you take women out to dinners and buy gifts at an early stage, in the back of her mind, she is saying “you are simply trying to buy her with gifts” which in other words is looked upon as manipulation and lack of self-confidence. So you need to portray enough confidence in reality to please a woman rather than signing cheques and slotting your bank from wall to wall. Just because you have bought this book, it is a great sign that you are someone that is interested in giving new things a try and because you remedy your tragedy, so affirm these three phrases everyday until you reach your goal; “I CAN TALK TO ANY WOMAN” “I CAN DATE ANY WOMAN AS MUCH AS CHANGE MY LIFE WHEN I WANT TO”. Affirm success in whatever you do, and it will come your way. Then when you have seen your real target, get closer to her, soften your voice to sound lyrical and you will be seen as sexy and charming. Here I am giving you some top flirting tips.

What is blackman good for?Big Dick


Well horse racing had become famous for centuries. Mr. Bush said to his wife, won’t it be better if we’d gone to watch horse racing and chill out. So they left and as they approached the site, the wife saw a horse in a fence with a note saying the horses mated 25times season and this season 35times.
She said to her husband, “Dear do you not see that this horse enjoyed his sexual life more than we did” Last year we had sex only 12times and this year we have only gone 10times but you kept complaining of getting tired. The husband said nothing in response.
They then approached the second horse and silent and the horse is said to have mated 50times last tear and 90times this year. Mrs. Bush screamed and said, “Honey, look! Animals know they will die soon and having great sex. What about us” Now you start to treat me like Friday meat. When we just started 4oyrs ago, our breakfast before getting up from bed never failed a day but now I doubt if I know the taste of that morning breakfast anymore, it remains a past dream but Mr. Bush stay mute.
As the approached the last one by the entrance of the gate to the stakes, Mrs. Bush screamed and said “Honey look at this one, it mated 365times last year and 400times this year. Last year this horse enjoyed the forbidden fruit almost everyday and that’s why the horse looks so healthy, then not to talk of this year yet we are like man and his sister. What is really the problem Honey?
This time now Mr. Bush turned to his wife and said “I bet you think I am stupid, now you ask those horses if they have been mating only with one or the same female”. However man cannot live on bread and cheese because they love it, he added. I have always enjoyed a balanced meal from when I was 16 until I meet you. Benedicta, Rose, Yvonne, Bradley, all cooked different meals for me at different times until when you took me out from 16.

Hey do not crack-up in laughter okay



A woman was walking down the street from church with her a younger son of 6yrs when they spotted two birds mating on the middle of the road.
“Mum, what are does birds doing?” He asked
Mum became embarrassed but answered, “Oh they are making sandwiches dear”. A few minutes later just about 100yards away from home, they saw two dogs mating but the curious young man won’t keep his curiosity and asked again what the dogs were doing with a serious tonality. Mum, answered, “emmm they’re making sandwiches also dear.” That night when they went home the boy went to his bed then heard noises coming from “mum and dad’s room” like mum was continuously sighing to dad and the son called for mum, Mum rushed to his room thinking something may have gone wrong, What is it dear that you had to call for me. Yes mum I did. What’s the problem son?
The boy answered, “Were you making sandwiches”
She blushed and said; ”How can you tell then”
The boy replied, “You got salad cream all over your face”

One curious Child wanted to know where babies come from and had to ask his mum. “Mum where do babies actually come from”?
Mum replied, “Mum and daddy have to fall in love and get married legal and they have sex”.
The boy asks “What is sex then”?
Mum replied, “Sex means Daddy puts his penis into mummy’s vagina and that is how babies come”.
The boy nodded his head and said; “Mum but the other day when I was sleeping with you and Dad in your room, I saw you put daddy’s penis in your mouth instead. So what do you get from having daddy’s penis in mouth”?
Mum replied, “Don’t bother too much son, you are getting mature everyday but what I get from it is jewelry.

Have your say.Are you single and looking?

1. What is a “Date” in dating psycholinguistics?
Dating is pressure and tension. However a date is but a kind of job interview that could last the whole night if there was chemistry involved. A significant difference between a date and a job interview is that, not many jobs around will offer you the opportunity or chance to end up naked at the end of it.

2. A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s keys in the door. “Stay where you are” she said. He is so drunk he will not recognize you are in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed without a clue, but a few minutes later through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. There should only be four feet on this bed. What is going on? This is exactly what he turned and asked his wife. The wife replied, “None sense, you are so drunk that you miscounted. Get off from bed and try counting again, you can see better from over there”
The husband climbed down from the bed again and counted “one.two, three, four. You are right babe you know I miscounted, and then climbed back until 11am the next day.

3. A drunk staggered into a Catholic Church and ended up in the confessional room. After a few minutes the priest said “what do you need my son”? The drunk replied. Is there any paper on your side?

4. “That wife of mine is a liar,” confided a husband to his best friend. “But how do you know that”? Well she did not return home last night and when I asked her where she’d been, she said, she’d spent the night with her sister Lucy. So I just kept quiet because I spent the night with her sister Lucy.

Jokish pick up lines for familiar faces


The word of the day is” legs”. Lets go back to my place and spread the word.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
What a great outfit you got babe, but I tell you what, it will look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
If you have lost your virginity darling, please can I have the box it came in?
Do your legs hurt you for running through my dreams the whole night?
Do I know you from somewhere else or is it just that you got your dressing on?
I like every muscles in your body especially mine
Babe I am conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples
I want to melt in your mouth and not your hands
There must be something wrong about my eyes cos I can’t take ‘em off you
I am an organ donor and have one that you might need
I can sense and tell that you are a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little
If I said, you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me
I miss my teddy bear, will you sleep with me
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours
Smile. It is the second thing best you can do with your lips
Babe, would you be my love buffet, so I can lay you out on the table and take what I want.
Are you religious because I am the answer to your prayers
How about you come sit over my laps and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops-up.
I am choking and I need mouth to mouth
Do you have a map, I just got lost in your eyes
Please excuse me. I am lost, where is the way to your house
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I got touched by an angel
Hey, did you do some Arithmetic in school cos I want you to join me in solving some sums? We’ll add you and me together, then subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply
Do you know I am big brother? I have been watching you
is it hot in here or is it just you
Hey, I am sorry, I am an artist and it is my job to stare a women
I was sitting here holding my drink when I found out I had rather been holding but you
I’ll love to be a bar soap in your bathroom
If I could rearrange the alphabets, I will U and I together

Jokes for every occassion buy what about saturday?

A woman said to her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire”. And what was he valued at before you married him? She replied “a billionaire”. But remember that the best woman is one that does not work in formal settings but work in bedroom and is therefore able to spend all her husbands’ money. Do you actually know why it is good to a woman she asked her friend?
· You never have to buy your own drinks
· You can get laid anytime you want in life
· You can dance
· You never run out of excuses
· You are not expected to know how cars work
· You don’t have to mow the lawn
· You always get to choose the movie
· You can sleep your way to the top
· You can get out of speeding tickets by crying
· You don’t have to adjust our genitals constantly
· You can marry rich man and don’t have to work
· Sweat is sexy on you
· You get expensive jewelry as gifts that you never will have to return
· You get gifts all the time because men miss up very often
· You are a better gossip
· You need no excuse to be in a bad mode
· You piss while sitting down, so it is easier to pass out on the toilet when drunk
· You look better when naked than men
· You can wear no underwear and no person will know but a man without one is disgusting
· You look good in shorts
· You never have to use a power drill
· You can give “the look” that makes any man cower in the corner
· Women do less time for violent crime.
· Short women are petite, short men are just short
· You have mastered civilized eating.

Sundays Jokes for fun and laughter

These jokes may be stopped only death. Therefore I will be updating them on a weekly basis. Jokes are meant to boost our ergo as humans and thus we owe to laugh and share good vibes.

1. Dr.Livingstone went to Cameroon during the dark ages. Roads were being dogged under his care. When he was about to go home, he said “Guys, I have decided to keep my eye watching all of you while I go home but anyone of that gets up to rest. I am coming to skin you. So he kept his eyeglasses and for more than 6hrs,not a single person could talk or get up to relax. (Reality).
2. You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would make sperms to taste like chocolates that is why you see Africans in chocolate colour. Africans are a symbol of God.
3. An elderly widower and a widow had been dating for three years. Finally he asked her to marry him and she said “yes” without any waste of time like she’d been waiting. But when he got up from bed, the next morning, he could not recall what her answer was and in desperation, he decided to call her. He began by saying, “Darling this is going to be embarrassing you gotta accept we are getting old, but when I asked to marry me last night, well yesterday but I got up from bed and could remember what your answer was. “Oh, that is good you called she said but I do remember saying “yes” to marry someone but I don’t know if it was you or the next man. You know it is not good to put all your eggs in one basket especially at my age.”

4. An 18year old girl kept saying she wanted Mr. Right. Well then, she hooked up with James and later on decided to marry. Eventually within 3months of hooking up they got married. But the following day, the bride decided it was time for divorce and went for a divorce lawyer. The lawyer asked him “What’s gone wrong?” “You have only been married less than 24hrs”. She replied, well I could tell things were not right when he kissed my friend so passionately before we entered the court, then in the court, he signed his name with bigger letters than mine. So that is it she said.

5. Lauren came back from school and to realize that Her dad was in bed with their housemaid. Lauren’s mother arrives home an hour later the incident and Lauren rushed to gossip to mum what had transpired. Mum, Mum, I saw something nice today. What did you see Lauren, requested her mum. Mum, you won’t believe it. “When I return from school, I found dad and our maid on the bed, naked and were…………….”Mum then interrupted immediately saying, “Lauren wait till dinner time tonight and she starts to serve food, I’ll pucker and then you can tell the story. 7.30pm the maid is serving meal and Lauren’s mum puckered before she had finished and she took the hint and started “Mum when I got home from school today, I found dad on the bed with our maid and they were doing the same you was doing with Uncle When Dad went to USA.

6. Lauren is 6yrs however. The following day, Her mum is in the kitchen with her friends while Lauren is playing with her mates Peter, Paul, Andrew and Stanley. Lauren rushed to kitchen and asked her mum “Mum can a 6yr old become pregnant”? Her mum replied, “Shut up and go out and play with your friends”. But she insisted saying she wanted to know and mum told her a six year cannot become pregnant. Lauren said, “great and as she rushed to her friends, neighbors could he saying, ”Hey guys come here now all of you but this time I want Peter to start first, then when he is tired, then Paul, then After is Andrew and Lastly is Stanley as mum has just told me, a 6yr old girl cannot become pregnant.

7. Make a contribution if you can. However more will be coming up every time.




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